St. Patty's Day

I seen a preview for a movie coming out in July; This movie has Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis ( from "That 70's Show") in it. I can't believe how excited I got while watching the preview. I think the movie is called, "Friends with Benefits" (or something like that). Mila Kunis is so great, I am a humor junkie, and she is funny, SO funny. Justin Timberlake is funny too. Hal and I love the SNL skit, when JT did a music video with Beyonce', "All the Single Ladies" YouTube it, if you have not seen it yet. Seriously.

Tonight, Halee and Keyton went to some raffle basket fundraiser at the school where my mom teaches. They put Owen's name on one of the items, and he won. Owen, won a basket full of summer goodies, including, bubbles, squirt guns, water balloons, side walk chalk, and a plastic ball and bat. An awesome prize to get! However, at 8 pm on a Thursday night, I was not expecting, a water balloon fight, nor did expect getting squirted with a squirt gun. After my mom arrived with the kids (and the basket) she stayed for a few minutes. Upon their arrival, I was completing a homework assignment. All I can remember after them walking in is, myself laying on the floor holding on to my mom's ankles, begging her not to leave me. My mom did her best to comfort me--in her best "motherly soothing" voice she said," Jesse will be home on Thursday." well today is Thursday, which means Jesse will be home in seven days. This attempt at calming me, only made me squeeze on to my mother's ankles tighter.

Today is St. Patty's Day. I am not real into this holiday. It is not as fun as it used to be, like when I could drink a good green beer. Anyways, after picking up my kids from school today, my children were certain, that while we had been gone, leprechauns had broke into our house and messed it up. I guess, at school, some teacher told them a story, where some leprechauns had broken into her house, and left green footprints all over the place and messed up their whole house. Driving back to my house, I felt guilty that I hadn't somehow made little green footprints and messed up my house, so that St.Patty's Day could have met my children's expectations.

Yesterday, I explained how my feet move faster than my torso. I was happy that I finally figured out what was causing my sudden, but not unexpected falls. Yesterday, I thought, I finally solved my issue, because I was determined not to let my feet and legs move so fast. Well, at about ten to eight this morning, while running out to the mail box, I slipped on a patch of ice and biffed it, hard. I was positive for a minute, that I broke my arm. After a shaking my arm for a few seconds, I was relieved that I had not fractured my upper arm. So much for being cautious of the speed of my lower extremities.

My feet move faster than my torso

I think I have discovered why I fall down so much. I am pretty sure, my legs and feet move faster than my torso. Today, after I fell down, I sat on the floor and I had a "moment". I took a few minutes to evaluate why I fell down. Generally, when I fall down, I jump right back up, even if I am in an immense amount of pain. After such trips or falls or what have you, I always continue on to where ever it was I was going. Back in high school, I used to fall down every time I went up the stairs, and by the middle of my freshmen year, no one even stopped to laugh, because the people knew I did it every hour. My mom used to say, she knew it was was me coming in the front door, because she would hear, foot step, foot step, foot step, followed by a thunk, followed by more foot steps. Well, today I finally figured out why I fall down so damn much. My legs and feet move faster than my torso ( I know I just repeated myself). I am just glad there is a real reason why I fall down. I am not dizzy, I don't have "disturbed" equilibrium, and I am not on any prescription medication that would cause delirium. Today, I actually watched my legs and feet suddenly start running, literally right from underneath me.

For many, many years I have thought that I should be a vegetarian. Not because I think it is "cool" and not because I don't believe in hunting or whatever. I just have always been disgusted with the thought of eating any form of meat. Well, I think my time has come, I have not been able to eat meat for the last couple of days. I just can't. I found myself gagging on some hamburger the other night. I tried to eat some chicken, and I ended up eating around it. Meat officially makes me nauseous. I wonder if I am a vegetarian now? I wonder if I am heading towards vegan? Everything, including cheese is grossing me out. The milk in my cereal this morning, had me quivering. I'm scared. And no, I am not pregnant.

Jesse is gone. I wish I could tell you who he flies, but I can't. The people on his flight today are well known in the fitness world. Many infomercials on TV to-date, are advertising these clients' fitness regimens. I asked Jesse if these people were in good shape, all he said was, "They are not fat." I have tried one of the videos in a series that these people produce, and it kicked my butt. I wonder if Jesse got any good fitness pointers from these people today? An interesting job my husband has. As a pilot, Jesse is wonderful--he is really good--I swear. Jesse's brother bought a plane last spring, and if you want, Jesse will take you for a ride-- he will.

I don't really care for tradition. I mean, I like tradition in some senses, but I think there is a difference in taking part of a tradition because you want to, and taking part of a tradition because you feel like you should. For instance, I hate cooking--I make three dishes. So to have dinner ready and waiting for my husband at 5 o'clock, doesn't typically happen. I also don't like the idea of doing certain things, because it is expected of me, things like, baking a cake, ironing, sewing, or cutting my kids' hair, or what have you. Tradition is probably the wrong word to use--but, traditionally, the things I stated above, are tasks that the woman typically did ( in like 1960). I know many people who can cook, bake, sew, and cut hair, AND they do it good. I don't know if deep down I wish I could do these things, but, I have tried and I don't enjoy them, and I lack the skills needed to accomplish these tasks. When it comes to ironing, I ask, "Who needs to iron, when you can throw a wet sock in the dryer with the wrinkly clothes?" My mother-in-law can sew--and she is gifted--she made my wedding dress, now that would be an awesome thing to be able to do. I took a sewing class in high school when I was a senior, when graduation came, I was failing the class, thank God, Mrs. Demars was nice enough to let me come back to school for a whole two weeks after graduation, to finish a dress, that I never wore or showed to anyone.

Friends

Oh what a few couple of days I have had. Owen is sick. He is coughing constantly. I am in rough shape from not sleeping...I know, poor me. You know me, I need my sleep, or I function at a 7 year-old level.

I had a powerpoint presentation due last night. I had to have it completed and submitted before midnight, actually, before 2 am, since I am running on Phoenix time ( my school is in Phoenix). Poor Owen woke up as I was just finishing up the presentation, I was literally on the count down and needed to complete the assignment. Since O is sick he wanted to cuddle--I didn't even get an opportunity to give the presentation a final read through, before I gave into my baby's cries. I just pushed submit. I am curious what the grade I will be given is.

Tonight, no homework for me. Owen is already tucked in for the night. I am going to put Keyton and Hal to bed in little bit. I can't wait to making a running leap for my bed.

Yesterday, I got a phone call from a special friend. My friend Shelly called and we talked and talked and talked. Shelly and I became friends the summer before first grade. We were instantly inseparable. After high school, Shelly, left for college, I stayed in Williston for my first year of college and we would see each other and talk to each other as often as we could. As years went by, and I had my family, we stopped talking as much as we would like. However, Shell holds this special spot in my heart, and no one can ever replace it. I love her like family. I still think one day we will live next door to each other and play cards every evening.

Another friend that I love and adore is my friend Amber Dawn. She is actually traveling the world right now. She is like a zillion miles away--it kind of knocks the wind out of me when I think about how far away she is. Amber, has tried to call me a few times, but I keep missing her phone calls. Today, on facebook, she said she is going to de-friend me, since I don't answer my phone when she calls. Amber, my phone is by my side at all times now. Call me, again! I love you and miss you!! Amber and I also share an unique bond--even though we have lived hundreds of miles apart for some time, we still have the strongest connection. I can't wait to see where she ends up so I know where I will be visiting!

Wallets

Jesse is home--I guess he has been home for a couple of days, but I love it when he is home.

Jesse's parents leave to go back to Arizona early tomorrow morning. I know they are excited to get back to the weather, but I am going to miss them when they leave. They are so much fun, and anyone who knows my father-in-law Erv, knows that he is one of the funniest people on the planet. Not only is Erv funny, but he is also one of the most generous man I have ever known. He loves his grand children. Sue, (Jesse's mom) is also the best mother-in-law I could have ever gotten. I can't wait until they come back this spring!

The other day, I asked Hal what she wanted to be when she grew up, her answer,"Up, down, all around, what does it matter?" I am curious to see where she ends up as grown woman--although, I can't even imagine Hal all grown up. I guess I will have to move with her where ever she moves, because she really is my main source of entertainment.

On Saturday night the kids, Jesse and I were watching (on TV) the ceremony that took place after the ND boy's state hockey tournament. The guys who got second place were each handed little black plaques. Jesse and I over heard Keyton tell his sister and his little cousin, (Landon) that the boys were receiving wallets. Hal also chimed in and added, "Yeah, they are getting little black wallets." Seriously, the things kids say and think are fantastic. Wallets? Jesse did explain that what the boys were getting were little plaques not wallets. I guess they thought the plaques looked like Jesse's little black wallet, which at the time was funny---as I am writing this I see that this event is not nearly as funny as it was on Saturday night, however I am not going to delete, as I am tired and I don't feel like deleting.

McDonalds

It is only 7:30 pm, and Keyton is done with his reading and spelling homework--phew. Keyton has struggled with reading since, well, since he has started reading. I see Keyton's progress. He read me a book beyond what his supposed reading level is tonight. I ordered a few books from his last book order and he brought them home from school today. He read to me tonight, The Diary of a Worm. He read it ALL by himself--I actually had tears flowing down my face. Keyton is an amazing child and knowing that he struggles, with any aspect of his life, hurts. He was so proud of himself when he finished this book tonight. Keyton, I am proud of you, you work hard and I see your progress.

I started my first day of class today. It is fun communicating with my classmates via the internet. During this first week of class, as part of our participation, we are expected to post our "biographies". As I read my fellow classmates biographies, I picture what he or she might look like. While reading this one woman's biography I was thrown for a loop--this woman wrote that she has six children, whose ages range from 21 to 9, and last year she had a procedure done to reverse a tubal ligation (tubes tied) she had done a few years ago. She stated that she was in the midst of trying to conceive another child--for some reason I keep picturing a woman with long blond hair who wears glasses. I don't know why or how these images form in my head. I was surprised with the detail this woman gave in her biography, usually, people stick to the basics in their nursing life scenarios, like, how long they have been nurses, what type of nursing they do, and where they eventually would like to take their nursing careers. This woman (with the six children, who is trying to produce one more) is also a nurse manager on a nursing floor. I thought I was busy, I guess, I could be busier.

I watched my friend Heidi's other daughter today, Cambree. She is nine-months-old. For the first part of the morning Cambree looked terrified of me. I tried with all my power to make her smile--every time I said, "Hi", she burst into tears. Finally, she warmed up and we were friends, again.

Jesse will be home on Thursday. He said he had to fly across the country a few times today. I guess I will see where he is when he calls me tonight.

I went to McDonalds the other day, (it is one of the only places to take your kids in Williston) and there were some other mothers there, I got the feeling they were talking about me, as one of the women had her hands up, so you couldn't see her mouth moving (even though she was already whispering). I was having a paranoid type of day I guess. As mothers and women I think we try our hardest to be accepted and sometimes we aren't, which is okay. It really is okay. I try to treat others as I want to be treated, it is all I can do. When I was younger, I really struggled with not being accepted by people. I obsessed over someone not liking me. After I got sober, and was able to focus on what is important in life, I quit caring about what everyone thinks or has thought about me. I pushed all those times in high school and the many times in my early twenties out the window--the times when someone had somehow degraded me and the times when someone had said things to hurt me. Therefore, the other day I was surprised I had these paranoid thoughts--I guess at times, it is only human to wonder? When a person starts a treatment program (for whatever), one of the hardest obstacles to overcome is to be able to obtain self forgiveness. It takes a lot of time and effort to forgive yourself, with the choices and mistakes that were made while under the influence--but after you are able to get rid of the shame, life really gets wonderful. I don't think anyone can understand what I am talking about, unless they lived a life that wasn't the life they had meant to live. One of my counselors at the treatment center I went to, had us (on the first day we started treatment) write a letter to ourselves. In this letter we had to write where we wanted to see ourselves in one year from then, we addressed it, and then the counselor would send the letter to us one year later. I remember when I received that letter, I didn't remember what I had written at the time, but everything I had written was what I had. I had wanted to free myself from all guilt and shame that had been following me for years, I wanted to be able to hold my head high, I wanted to be the best mother I could be for my children....blah blah blah. It was an amazing feeling reading that letter realizing that all that I had written had come true. I wish the same sort of happiness on everyone and anyone who may be not be feeling the greatest. Life is what we make it, we do have control over our own happiness.

What did I do?

What did I do? I am having some serious anxiety about the decision I made to re-enroll into the BSN program. Yikes. Well, there is no turning back--I am going to truck through this program the same way I truck through everything--with a lot of coffee.

Today, I had one of my best friend's little girl over. Maycee is the same age as Halee and they love each other. They love each other so much, they fight like sisters (not that I would know how sisters fight, as I am not fortunate enough to have a sister, but I assume their fighting can be accurately compared to sisters fighting). The tattling is ridiculous. Hal will come up stairs and tell me " Maycee keeps looking at me with her eyes all funny" Maycee will tell me,"Hal keeps saying she is going to go to my house and put on my dad's shoes" the tattling is never ending. Today, I laid on the couch and every time someone came up to tattle, I covered my ears with pillows and pretended to be asleep. They fight and fight, but when it comes time for one of them to leave they throw fits, as they don't want to quit playing. It's exhausting really.

My mother-in-law and father-in-law are in town (from Arizona) for a week babysitting Jesse's sister's kids, as my sister-in-law and her husband are in Hawaii. We had dinner with them tonight, it was fun. I love having my in-laws in town.

Tomorrow night I might venture out of my house and go hang out with my brother Jacob for awhile. Jake and I have a good relationship; we have similar senses of humor and no one (besides Jesse) can make me laugh like Jake can. Last night, I called Jake to see what he was up too, he was watching the Oprah Winfrey Network while waiting for The Jersey Shore to start. He is such a "rough neck" it is hard to picture him watching the Oprah Winfrey Network.

Keyton is throwing cheese sticks at his sister so I am going to go take away the cheese stick and maybe eat it.

Mailbox

Today is what, Thursday? Yes, Thursday it is. On Tuesday, Keyton had a pizza party with his hockey teammates to cap off the season. I didn't go, I felt sick (bad headache). My friend, Tammy picked up Keyton and took him to the party ( her son also plays hockey). When she picked him up, I went outside to say good bye; after I said my good bye, I turned around and ran smack into the mailbox. I forgot to ask Tammy if she saw me run into my mailbox, (I pretended nothing happened) when I got back inside, and looked at my left hip there was a huge scrap. Yesterday, ( Wednesday) I was talking to my dear husband on the phone while I was cleaning up the house, I opened a closet door and this metal broom fell out of the closet and hit me smack in the nose--everything slowly started going dark, I thought for sure my nose was busted, I looked in the mirror and right on the top of my nose, smack dab in the middle, I had a half an inch cut--therefore yesterday, I suffered through another headache. Today I am happy to report I have not (as of yet) suffered any bodily harm.

Owen is sick, thank God my good friend works at a clinic and was able to get Owen in to see his doctor. Owen had to have one of those giant cue tips stuck way up into each of his nostrils. Owens facial expressions are a riot, after the nurse was done swabbing his nose, he said, "Owe.", and the look on his face, said, "What the?" His RSV test came back negative, and his blood work was good. Owen did have to get stitches a couple of weeks ago--I was pulling up his pants when he fell forward and hit the TV stand, cracking open his forehead. He had to have four stitches. Owen developmentally is progressing fine. He is 22 months. His vocab is limited to these four words, hot, bubble, ball, and owe.

I am thankful for my Keurig today. I am also thankful for Scentsy. Scentsy and Keurig combined is like heaven to me. Obviously, I have many different reasons to be thankful, but I thought I would give out a shout to my Keurig (a special coffee, tea, and hot chocolate making machine) and to Scentsy (which is a smelling system that makes my house smell good, right now my house smells like the beach, the sent I am burning is called skinny dippin).

There is no school tomorrow or on Monday and I am really happy my friend Heidi told me there is no school, or I would have taken Hal and Keyton--I have done that before in the past....poor Keyton.