Jesse is home--I guess he has been home for a couple of days, but I love it when he is home.
Jesse's parents leave to go back to Arizona early tomorrow morning. I know they are excited to get back to the weather, but I am going to miss them when they leave. They are so much fun, and anyone who knows my father-in-law Erv, knows that he is one of the funniest people on the planet. Not only is Erv funny, but he is also one of the most generous man I have ever known. He loves his grand children. Sue, (Jesse's mom) is also the best mother-in-law I could have ever gotten. I can't wait until they come back this spring!
The other day, I asked Hal what she wanted to be when she grew up, her answer,"Up, down, all around, what does it matter?" I am curious to see where she ends up as grown woman--although, I can't even imagine Hal all grown up. I guess I will have to move with her where ever she moves, because she really is my main source of entertainment.
On Saturday night the kids, Jesse and I were watching (on TV) the ceremony that took place after the ND boy's state hockey tournament. The guys who got second place were each handed little black plaques. Jesse and I over heard Keyton tell his sister and his little cousin, (Landon) that the boys were receiving wallets. Hal also chimed in and added, "Yeah, they are getting little black wallets." Seriously, the things kids say and think are fantastic. Wallets? Jesse did explain that what the boys were getting were little plaques not wallets. I guess they thought the plaques looked like Jesse's little black wallet, which at the time was funny---as I am writing this I see that this event is not nearly as funny as it was on Saturday night, however I am not going to delete, as I am tired and I don't feel like deleting.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
McDonalds
It is only 7:30 pm, and Keyton is done with his reading and spelling homework--phew. Keyton has struggled with reading since, well, since he has started reading. I see Keyton's progress. He read me a book beyond what his supposed reading level is tonight. I ordered a few books from his last book order and he brought them home from school today. He read to me tonight, The Diary of a Worm. He read it ALL by himself--I actually had tears flowing down my face. Keyton is an amazing child and knowing that he struggles, with any aspect of his life, hurts. He was so proud of himself when he finished this book tonight. Keyton, I am proud of you, you work hard and I see your progress.
I started my first day of class today. It is fun communicating with my classmates via the internet. During this first week of class, as part of our participation, we are expected to post our "biographies". As I read my fellow classmates biographies, I picture what he or she might look like. While reading this one woman's biography I was thrown for a loop--this woman wrote that she has six children, whose ages range from 21 to 9, and last year she had a procedure done to reverse a tubal ligation (tubes tied) she had done a few years ago. She stated that she was in the midst of trying to conceive another child--for some reason I keep picturing a woman with long blond hair who wears glasses. I don't know why or how these images form in my head. I was surprised with the detail this woman gave in her biography, usually, people stick to the basics in their nursing life scenarios, like, how long they have been nurses, what type of nursing they do, and where they eventually would like to take their nursing careers. This woman (with the six children, who is trying to produce one more) is also a nurse manager on a nursing floor. I thought I was busy, I guess, I could be busier.
I watched my friend Heidi's other daughter today, Cambree. She is nine-months-old. For the first part of the morning Cambree looked terrified of me. I tried with all my power to make her smile--every time I said, "Hi", she burst into tears. Finally, she warmed up and we were friends, again.
Jesse will be home on Thursday. He said he had to fly across the country a few times today. I guess I will see where he is when he calls me tonight.
I went to McDonalds the other day, (it is one of the only places to take your kids in Williston) and there were some other mothers there, I got the feeling they were talking about me, as one of the women had her hands up, so you couldn't see her mouth moving (even though she was already whispering). I was having a paranoid type of day I guess. As mothers and women I think we try our hardest to be accepted and sometimes we aren't, which is okay. It really is okay. I try to treat others as I want to be treated, it is all I can do. When I was younger, I really struggled with not being accepted by people. I obsessed over someone not liking me. After I got sober, and was able to focus on what is important in life, I quit caring about what everyone thinks or has thought about me. I pushed all those times in high school and the many times in my early twenties out the window--the times when someone had somehow degraded me and the times when someone had said things to hurt me. Therefore, the other day I was surprised I had these paranoid thoughts--I guess at times, it is only human to wonder? When a person starts a treatment program (for whatever), one of the hardest obstacles to overcome is to be able to obtain self forgiveness. It takes a lot of time and effort to forgive yourself, with the choices and mistakes that were made while under the influence--but after you are able to get rid of the shame, life really gets wonderful. I don't think anyone can understand what I am talking about, unless they lived a life that wasn't the life they had meant to live. One of my counselors at the treatment center I went to, had us (on the first day we started treatment) write a letter to ourselves. In this letter we had to write where we wanted to see ourselves in one year from then, we addressed it, and then the counselor would send the letter to us one year later. I remember when I received that letter, I didn't remember what I had written at the time, but everything I had written was what I had. I had wanted to free myself from all guilt and shame that had been following me for years, I wanted to be able to hold my head high, I wanted to be the best mother I could be for my children....blah blah blah. It was an amazing feeling reading that letter realizing that all that I had written had come true. I wish the same sort of happiness on everyone and anyone who may be not be feeling the greatest. Life is what we make it, we do have control over our own happiness.
I started my first day of class today. It is fun communicating with my classmates via the internet. During this first week of class, as part of our participation, we are expected to post our "biographies". As I read my fellow classmates biographies, I picture what he or she might look like. While reading this one woman's biography I was thrown for a loop--this woman wrote that she has six children, whose ages range from 21 to 9, and last year she had a procedure done to reverse a tubal ligation (tubes tied) she had done a few years ago. She stated that she was in the midst of trying to conceive another child--for some reason I keep picturing a woman with long blond hair who wears glasses. I don't know why or how these images form in my head. I was surprised with the detail this woman gave in her biography, usually, people stick to the basics in their nursing life scenarios, like, how long they have been nurses, what type of nursing they do, and where they eventually would like to take their nursing careers. This woman (with the six children, who is trying to produce one more) is also a nurse manager on a nursing floor. I thought I was busy, I guess, I could be busier.
I watched my friend Heidi's other daughter today, Cambree. She is nine-months-old. For the first part of the morning Cambree looked terrified of me. I tried with all my power to make her smile--every time I said, "Hi", she burst into tears. Finally, she warmed up and we were friends, again.
Jesse will be home on Thursday. He said he had to fly across the country a few times today. I guess I will see where he is when he calls me tonight.
I went to McDonalds the other day, (it is one of the only places to take your kids in Williston) and there were some other mothers there, I got the feeling they were talking about me, as one of the women had her hands up, so you couldn't see her mouth moving (even though she was already whispering). I was having a paranoid type of day I guess. As mothers and women I think we try our hardest to be accepted and sometimes we aren't, which is okay. It really is okay. I try to treat others as I want to be treated, it is all I can do. When I was younger, I really struggled with not being accepted by people. I obsessed over someone not liking me. After I got sober, and was able to focus on what is important in life, I quit caring about what everyone thinks or has thought about me. I pushed all those times in high school and the many times in my early twenties out the window--the times when someone had somehow degraded me and the times when someone had said things to hurt me. Therefore, the other day I was surprised I had these paranoid thoughts--I guess at times, it is only human to wonder? When a person starts a treatment program (for whatever), one of the hardest obstacles to overcome is to be able to obtain self forgiveness. It takes a lot of time and effort to forgive yourself, with the choices and mistakes that were made while under the influence--but after you are able to get rid of the shame, life really gets wonderful. I don't think anyone can understand what I am talking about, unless they lived a life that wasn't the life they had meant to live. One of my counselors at the treatment center I went to, had us (on the first day we started treatment) write a letter to ourselves. In this letter we had to write where we wanted to see ourselves in one year from then, we addressed it, and then the counselor would send the letter to us one year later. I remember when I received that letter, I didn't remember what I had written at the time, but everything I had written was what I had. I had wanted to free myself from all guilt and shame that had been following me for years, I wanted to be able to hold my head high, I wanted to be the best mother I could be for my children....blah blah blah. It was an amazing feeling reading that letter realizing that all that I had written had come true. I wish the same sort of happiness on everyone and anyone who may be not be feeling the greatest. Life is what we make it, we do have control over our own happiness.
Friday, February 18, 2011
What did I do?
What did I do? I am having some serious anxiety about the decision I made to re-enroll into the BSN program. Yikes. Well, there is no turning back--I am going to truck through this program the same way I truck through everything--with a lot of coffee.
Today, I had one of my best friend's little girl over. Maycee is the same age as Halee and they love each other. They love each other so much, they fight like sisters (not that I would know how sisters fight, as I am not fortunate enough to have a sister, but I assume their fighting can be accurately compared to sisters fighting). The tattling is ridiculous. Hal will come up stairs and tell me " Maycee keeps looking at me with her eyes all funny" Maycee will tell me,"Hal keeps saying she is going to go to my house and put on my dad's shoes" the tattling is never ending. Today, I laid on the couch and every time someone came up to tattle, I covered my ears with pillows and pretended to be asleep. They fight and fight, but when it comes time for one of them to leave they throw fits, as they don't want to quit playing. It's exhausting really.
My mother-in-law and father-in-law are in town (from Arizona) for a week babysitting Jesse's sister's kids, as my sister-in-law and her husband are in Hawaii. We had dinner with them tonight, it was fun. I love having my in-laws in town.
Tomorrow night I might venture out of my house and go hang out with my brother Jacob for awhile. Jake and I have a good relationship; we have similar senses of humor and no one (besides Jesse) can make me laugh like Jake can. Last night, I called Jake to see what he was up too, he was watching the Oprah Winfrey Network while waiting for The Jersey Shore to start. He is such a "rough neck" it is hard to picture him watching the Oprah Winfrey Network.
Keyton is throwing cheese sticks at his sister so I am going to go take away the cheese stick and maybe eat it.
Today, I had one of my best friend's little girl over. Maycee is the same age as Halee and they love each other. They love each other so much, they fight like sisters (not that I would know how sisters fight, as I am not fortunate enough to have a sister, but I assume their fighting can be accurately compared to sisters fighting). The tattling is ridiculous. Hal will come up stairs and tell me " Maycee keeps looking at me with her eyes all funny" Maycee will tell me,"Hal keeps saying she is going to go to my house and put on my dad's shoes" the tattling is never ending. Today, I laid on the couch and every time someone came up to tattle, I covered my ears with pillows and pretended to be asleep. They fight and fight, but when it comes time for one of them to leave they throw fits, as they don't want to quit playing. It's exhausting really.
My mother-in-law and father-in-law are in town (from Arizona) for a week babysitting Jesse's sister's kids, as my sister-in-law and her husband are in Hawaii. We had dinner with them tonight, it was fun. I love having my in-laws in town.
Tomorrow night I might venture out of my house and go hang out with my brother Jacob for awhile. Jake and I have a good relationship; we have similar senses of humor and no one (besides Jesse) can make me laugh like Jake can. Last night, I called Jake to see what he was up too, he was watching the Oprah Winfrey Network while waiting for The Jersey Shore to start. He is such a "rough neck" it is hard to picture him watching the Oprah Winfrey Network.
Keyton is throwing cheese sticks at his sister so I am going to go take away the cheese stick and maybe eat it.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Mailbox
Today is what, Thursday? Yes, Thursday it is. On Tuesday, Keyton had a pizza party with his hockey teammates to cap off the season. I didn't go, I felt sick (bad headache). My friend, Tammy picked up Keyton and took him to the party ( her son also plays hockey). When she picked him up, I went outside to say good bye; after I said my good bye, I turned around and ran smack into the mailbox. I forgot to ask Tammy if she saw me run into my mailbox, (I pretended nothing happened) when I got back inside, and looked at my left hip there was a huge scrap. Yesterday, ( Wednesday) I was talking to my dear husband on the phone while I was cleaning up the house, I opened a closet door and this metal broom fell out of the closet and hit me smack in the nose--everything slowly started going dark, I thought for sure my nose was busted, I looked in the mirror and right on the top of my nose, smack dab in the middle, I had a half an inch cut--therefore yesterday, I suffered through another headache. Today I am happy to report I have not (as of yet) suffered any bodily harm.
Owen is sick, thank God my good friend works at a clinic and was able to get Owen in to see his doctor. Owen had to have one of those giant cue tips stuck way up into each of his nostrils. Owens facial expressions are a riot, after the nurse was done swabbing his nose, he said, "Owe.", and the look on his face, said, "What the?" His RSV test came back negative, and his blood work was good. Owen did have to get stitches a couple of weeks ago--I was pulling up his pants when he fell forward and hit the TV stand, cracking open his forehead. He had to have four stitches. Owen developmentally is progressing fine. He is 22 months. His vocab is limited to these four words, hot, bubble, ball, and owe.
I am thankful for my Keurig today. I am also thankful for Scentsy. Scentsy and Keurig combined is like heaven to me. Obviously, I have many different reasons to be thankful, but I thought I would give out a shout to my Keurig (a special coffee, tea, and hot chocolate making machine) and to Scentsy (which is a smelling system that makes my house smell good, right now my house smells like the beach, the sent I am burning is called skinny dippin).
There is no school tomorrow or on Monday and I am really happy my friend Heidi told me there is no school, or I would have taken Hal and Keyton--I have done that before in the past....poor Keyton.
Owen is sick, thank God my good friend works at a clinic and was able to get Owen in to see his doctor. Owen had to have one of those giant cue tips stuck way up into each of his nostrils. Owens facial expressions are a riot, after the nurse was done swabbing his nose, he said, "Owe.", and the look on his face, said, "What the?" His RSV test came back negative, and his blood work was good. Owen did have to get stitches a couple of weeks ago--I was pulling up his pants when he fell forward and hit the TV stand, cracking open his forehead. He had to have four stitches. Owen developmentally is progressing fine. He is 22 months. His vocab is limited to these four words, hot, bubble, ball, and owe.
I am thankful for my Keurig today. I am also thankful for Scentsy. Scentsy and Keurig combined is like heaven to me. Obviously, I have many different reasons to be thankful, but I thought I would give out a shout to my Keurig (a special coffee, tea, and hot chocolate making machine) and to Scentsy (which is a smelling system that makes my house smell good, right now my house smells like the beach, the sent I am burning is called skinny dippin).
There is no school tomorrow or on Monday and I am really happy my friend Heidi told me there is no school, or I would have taken Hal and Keyton--I have done that before in the past....poor Keyton.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Back to School
I am starting school (again) on Tuesday. I have an Associate Degree in Nursing, but I would like to get my Bachelor's Degree in Nursing. I wish I would have known that I wanted this degree--like seven-years ago.
When I was 20-years-old I found out I was pregnant. I was living at home with my mom, dad, and brother when I found out I was going to be a mother. I remember the day I found out I was expecting. I was too embarrassed to buy a pregnancy test, a good friend of mine, went to the store and purchased one for me. I took the test knowing that one line meant no baby, two lines meant baby. After taking the pregnancy test, I brought the test out of the bathroom and there was was one dramatic line and there was indeed a second line, although the second line was much lighter the first line. I remember saying to my friends, "Well, I can't be pregnant because there is only one dark line.", I remember my friends faces, which read "Um, yes, but there are TWO lines!" After I had a chance to take in this new life development, I went back to my parent's house where my mom was home sick. I sat on her bed, I told her I needed to tell her something, I went on and on, I actually made her think I was dying. I told her about the pregnancy test. I didn't however tell my father (my mom told him-- I was scared). I told Jesse the news, when we were out driving. I said," I took a pregnancy test, and it was positive." Jesse continued to drive, but suddenly the car was going really slow. He didn't say anything but, "Huh, oh, huh?" Anyways, it was a surprise that I found out I was pregnant. The last person who wanted to be pregnant on her 21st birthday was me. I remember sitting in a hotel room on my 21st birthday with a big belly, we were in Bismarck for my mom and grandam's teacher's convention. Looking back at that turn of events, I understand (now) that is was for the best--I mean technically the judge in Fargo ordered me not to drink for two years, which would have meant that I wasn't legally supposed to drink until I was 22. So, being the pregnant girl I was, I decided it was time to figure out my future--dah. I come from a long, long, long line of teachers-- it was obvious that teaching was what my future held. I decided to work at a school as a teacher's aide to get my foot in the door. I worked through out my pregnancy, which was not easy, the kids always asked me about the baby in my tummy, if I was married, and why I was so huge, Anyways, I had Keyton in January, right in the middle of the school year. After Keyton was born he had some complications, which required him to spend two weeks in the NICU in Fargo, ND. I remember sitting with my baby (who was 8 lbs and looked like a giant next to all those tiny preemies) and I was awe struck by the nurses. I actually remember sitting in the NICU's rocking chair, and I was hit by the notion that I was supposed to be a nurse. It is strange how clear this memory is to me. When Keyton was released from the hospital I decided to resign from my position at the school to stay home with my fragile baby. I enrolled in school that summer to start classes that would get me into the nursing program. I completed my classes with the best grades that I have ever gotten, and was excepted in to the nursing program. My last year in the LPN nursing program, I found out I was expecting Hal. I delivered Halee one week before my nursing finals. I worked as a LPN at a women's clinic for nine months. Jesse had gotten another job so we had to move. After we moved to Minnesota, I was excepted in to a RN program. That was no easy task, going back to school, again. In 2008, I graduated with my Associate degree in Nursing. I passed my boards ( that is a whole story in itself) soon after graduation I begun working as an RN at a hospital in Minneapolis. The week after I started work, I found out I was expecting Owen. I worked until I was put in the hospital. After the early arrival of Owen, I couldn't go back to work, at least for awhile. Owen spent two months in the NICU in Minnesota--soon after O was released from the hospital, the nurse manager from the unit I worked on, called and said that the floor I was working on was so slow that they didn't need me to come back...ever. So what did I do? I went back to school. I started an online program--which really kicked my butt, especially since Jesse had to take a different job, and had to be gone a lot more...I mean A LOT more. I had a new baby, a preschooler and kindergartner. A few months and five classes after I began my BSN program, it was clear that we needed to move back to Williston. I put my classes on hold, I mean really, there was no way I was going to keep my house clean for showings, while I was going to school and taking care of three children...no way.
So that leads me where I am today. I am back in school--again picking up where I left off. I hope that I actually can start working as a nurse again someday...like soon.
While this is post is boring...I needed to remind myself how I have gotten to where I am today. Who knows maybe one day, I will be like the queen of nurses.
When I was 20-years-old I found out I was pregnant. I was living at home with my mom, dad, and brother when I found out I was going to be a mother. I remember the day I found out I was expecting. I was too embarrassed to buy a pregnancy test, a good friend of mine, went to the store and purchased one for me. I took the test knowing that one line meant no baby, two lines meant baby. After taking the pregnancy test, I brought the test out of the bathroom and there was was one dramatic line and there was indeed a second line, although the second line was much lighter the first line. I remember saying to my friends, "Well, I can't be pregnant because there is only one dark line.", I remember my friends faces, which read "Um, yes, but there are TWO lines!" After I had a chance to take in this new life development, I went back to my parent's house where my mom was home sick. I sat on her bed, I told her I needed to tell her something, I went on and on, I actually made her think I was dying. I told her about the pregnancy test. I didn't however tell my father (my mom told him-- I was scared). I told Jesse the news, when we were out driving. I said," I took a pregnancy test, and it was positive." Jesse continued to drive, but suddenly the car was going really slow. He didn't say anything but, "Huh, oh, huh?" Anyways, it was a surprise that I found out I was pregnant. The last person who wanted to be pregnant on her 21st birthday was me. I remember sitting in a hotel room on my 21st birthday with a big belly, we were in Bismarck for my mom and grandam's teacher's convention. Looking back at that turn of events, I understand (now) that is was for the best--I mean technically the judge in Fargo ordered me not to drink for two years, which would have meant that I wasn't legally supposed to drink until I was 22. So, being the pregnant girl I was, I decided it was time to figure out my future--dah. I come from a long, long, long line of teachers-- it was obvious that teaching was what my future held. I decided to work at a school as a teacher's aide to get my foot in the door. I worked through out my pregnancy, which was not easy, the kids always asked me about the baby in my tummy, if I was married, and why I was so huge, Anyways, I had Keyton in January, right in the middle of the school year. After Keyton was born he had some complications, which required him to spend two weeks in the NICU in Fargo, ND. I remember sitting with my baby (who was 8 lbs and looked like a giant next to all those tiny preemies) and I was awe struck by the nurses. I actually remember sitting in the NICU's rocking chair, and I was hit by the notion that I was supposed to be a nurse. It is strange how clear this memory is to me. When Keyton was released from the hospital I decided to resign from my position at the school to stay home with my fragile baby. I enrolled in school that summer to start classes that would get me into the nursing program. I completed my classes with the best grades that I have ever gotten, and was excepted in to the nursing program. My last year in the LPN nursing program, I found out I was expecting Hal. I delivered Halee one week before my nursing finals. I worked as a LPN at a women's clinic for nine months. Jesse had gotten another job so we had to move. After we moved to Minnesota, I was excepted in to a RN program. That was no easy task, going back to school, again. In 2008, I graduated with my Associate degree in Nursing. I passed my boards ( that is a whole story in itself) soon after graduation I begun working as an RN at a hospital in Minneapolis. The week after I started work, I found out I was expecting Owen. I worked until I was put in the hospital. After the early arrival of Owen, I couldn't go back to work, at least for awhile. Owen spent two months in the NICU in Minnesota--soon after O was released from the hospital, the nurse manager from the unit I worked on, called and said that the floor I was working on was so slow that they didn't need me to come back...ever. So what did I do? I went back to school. I started an online program--which really kicked my butt, especially since Jesse had to take a different job, and had to be gone a lot more...I mean A LOT more. I had a new baby, a preschooler and kindergartner. A few months and five classes after I began my BSN program, it was clear that we needed to move back to Williston. I put my classes on hold, I mean really, there was no way I was going to keep my house clean for showings, while I was going to school and taking care of three children...no way.
So that leads me where I am today. I am back in school--again picking up where I left off. I hope that I actually can start working as a nurse again someday...like soon.
While this is post is boring...I needed to remind myself how I have gotten to where I am today. Who knows maybe one day, I will be like the queen of nurses.
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