Scrooge of Halloween

I had an incredibly cranky day. I was just mad. I had no reason to be angry, but I was. This bitterness started on Saturday night, after I put my babies to bed. I got on Facebook (shocker) and saw what seemed to be a ton of pictures of people dressed up in their Halloween costumes, having SO MUCH fun. I guess, I should be happy that other people are having a happy ole' time-but I was sitting all alone, on a Saturday night thinking to myself, "Sure have fun--you Happy Halloween people, drink your yummy beer or whatever and have fun." As I was feeling sorry for myself, for probably the world's dumbest reason ever, I had a flash back of a Halloween party I attended in 2000. This would make me 19. I was Micky Mouse---I was one drunk Micky Mouse. People who attended that party, occasionally bring up this party to me. I went all out for this party. I borrowed a costume from a friend, who really bought some fantastic costumes. There was a Halloween dance I attended. I had the whole outfit, from the big (gigantic) Mickey Mouse ears, big white gloves, fluffy yellow shoes, black tights, red shorts, and suspenders.  I had a blue camera I was taking pictures with, back when we still used film, which I had worked hard for and I lost my camera that night. I would suspect that the pictures were entertaining. I can't tell you any stories about that night when I was Micky Mouse, because I can't remember them.Which, sort of made me appreciate the fact that I was not anywhere, making a ginormous fool of myself at that moment. Anyways, people are in the spirit of Halloween. I have been a Scrooge, the Scrooge of Halloween. With the up-coming election, Owen having been sick, and my husband working, I'm not in the most jolly mood. I am going to wake up tomorrow and try my hardest to be a Happy Halloween Woman. Keyton is a scary werewolf, Hal is Wonder Woman, and Owen is Cookie Monster. How can I not have fun with that combination? I can't.

Sometimes, when I get angry with sobriety, I have flashbacks of using or I have nightmares where I'm using, hence the Mickey Mouse flashback. Flashbacks are funny,scary,appalling, and surprising. I'm needing some positive energy. I don't always no how to go about it--ridding myself of negativity. I pray. I talk to friends and family. I try to think about how blessed I have been and am. But, as humans, I think we are entitled to feel however we want/need to at certain times. I can't walk around thinking I should be happy, because of A, B, and C. If I'm not feeling happy, making myself feel badly about not being happy, only makes me feel more anxious or even guilty. So now, that I admit I am having an angry moment, I feel better...a little. I will go watch "The Office" now and laugh and fall asleep feeling better and wake up a Happy Halloween Woman (my costume for tomorrow).