For sale sign

We have a for sale sign up in front of our home. It is bittersweet. The Realtor came over yesterday to take pictures of our house and Keyton ran after her asking her to stop taking pictures of his home. He understands that the pictures mean we are leaving his house-- this is a home that he loves with his whole little heart.

Its hard to put into words how I am feeling right now. Last year we were in an awesome place. I had an awesome job working as a RN at Abbott Northwestern, Jesse was working at his dream job at Jet choice, and we were expecting or third child. For once everything seemed to be going the way we wanted it. Then suddenly I got put on bed rest at the hospital, I got a blood clot, Owen was brought into this world weighing only 2lbs, Jesse's mom was diagnosed with breast cancer, and Jesse's company decided to shut its doors. Everything was crumbling down around us. Jesse and I believe in positive thinking and we TRIED to remain positive throughout. Thankfully it worked. Jesse was able to get another great job, Owen is healthy, and Sue (Jesse's mom) is done with treatment and she is doing wonderfully. I am constantly trying to remind myself about all of these positive elements. Every time I hold Owen, I squeeze him tightly and thank my lucky stars that he is here with us. We are lucky. I know this.

This for sale sign is heart breaking. I have to keep reminding myself that this move is for the best. Apple Valley is a beautiful community and I will miss it greatly, especially my neighbors. I do need my family though. Jesse is gone every other week---gone, gone. Taking care of three children by myself with out a support network has worn me out, physically and emotionally. When Jesse is home I am content in Minnesota, happy even. When Jesse leaves, I am lonely and at times depressed even. Knowing that my family is 10 hours away, who would love nothing more than to snuggle my kids has always been hard to swallow. I have many friends back home with children my children's age and I long for that connection. I left Williston and was determined to never move back. I remember the day we left Williston, we stopped by my parents house on the way out of town to say good bye. I remember watching my mom and dad cry as we pulled out of the drive way. Their grandchildren were leaving-I felt incredibly guilty about the sadness this caused them. When I think about bringing my children back to Williston and how happy my parents (especially my father) will be, it makes the move back seem so worth it. I keep thinking how short life is. I feel the uncontrollable need to be with the people that love me. I feel the need to keep my children close to the people that love them as much as Jesse and me. So the for sale sign should not be making feel this way. I think we will be okay where ever we are. Someday I plan to live somewhere warm all year, when Jesse and I are oldies. Lets just pray that I can keep this house clean so people will want to buy it!! Life is good, just a little confusing.