Eerie

Wow- I got some great feed back from my previous post. It is nice to know that I am not alone when I speak of my quest for happiness. I think that even though I suffer from time to time with depression, the fact that I am aware of this, I can embrace it and know that it is part of me. When I was 19 I didn't like myself. I hated myself. I hated everything about myself. I look back at me. I look back and see "that" me sitting against a wall crying. I remember feeling very alone. This was part of the reason I loved alcohol so much. As soon as I started to feel that warm feeling I could forget about hating myself. I could forget about all of the asses who "I thought" were so cruel. I often wonder what my life would have been like if I had not been so dependent on alcohol. I wonder if I would have actually went to school instead of sleeping the day away. What would I have become? I do know that if I had been a great student and didn't drink and repeatedly get caught by my friends the cops, that I would not have been forced to move back home. I would not have met my now husband and I would not be Keyton, Hal, and Owen's mommy.

Right now my community-- as well as many communities close by are feeling the affects of the loss of a small town's high school teacher. This woman went out for a morning jog--at 6:30 am and never returned home. There had been a massive search and the outcome was tragic. I am shook up. I think everyone in the area is shook up. It is like we all knew something like this was going to happen---with the dramatic change within the area. I am happy to know that the people most likely responsible for this have been caught, but it doesn't take away from the loss that so many are feeling. There are still a lot of questions that we need answered. All we can do is be careful. The environment we are living is unsafe. It is eerie--this place my friends, family and myself call home is uncomfortable. I am disturbed and I keep thinking not only about this women's family but the citizens in her community--especially her students.